Most people like winners, but I prefer underdogs. They’re more fun to pet.

“The US is about to go all Billy the Kid. Inflation is going to keep shooting up.”

“My girlfriend is as reasonable as Lady Justice, and just as blindfolded. She’s …”

“It’s amazing how nostalgia filters out the bad and focuses only on the good.”

“Every time the sound of one of my farts reverberates in a toilet bowl, I think …”