My advice is don’t take advice from anybody. This is good advice, and as such, it’s bad advice.

“I have a beard of grass. I grew it on my back, and sometimes my neighbor mows i…”

“I’m so old school I’m like a one-room schoolhouse—with no bathroom. I always ke…”

“I have a beard of fog that I wear on misty mornings. It’s not cigarette smoke, …”

“Don’t be alarmed by the flashing lights and the sirens you can’t see or hear. J…”