My bed’s comforter is yellow. It has to be to hide all the melted butter stains. I make love like microwave popcorn—only in half the time!

“My blanket is a year old. And amazingly, it still purrs just as loud today as i…”

“A blanket could be used to teach geography to a sleeping man. Better do it quic…”

“If I had an orange penis, and an erection, I might take offense at carrot eater…”

“I'm the only person I know who has slept through a fire drill. Apparently, I pu…”