My cat’s favorite chew toy is a pen. I’d wager that he is a better writer than me.

“If we’re friends, I’m only the funniest guy you know because you don’t know Joh…”

“I made love to a woman on a boat once. It was still on the showroom floor, but …”

“I’ll see a cat and instinctively start petting the hair on my back.”

“Three Guys and a Goat is not a good name for a bed and breakfast. I know, becau…”