My children don’t even know my name, and it’s no excuse that they haven’t even been born yet.

“I want to be the mayor of a small town. A small town I populated entirely with …”

“If a man was choking, what would I do? Well, I’d remove my penis from his throa…”

“A blanket isn’t the solution, a blanket is the problem. I say we burn all the b…”

“It’s a conflict of interest, because I’m not interested.”