My closet’s so full of memories and fearful homosexuals that I have nowhere to hang my clothes. Well, that and I don’t know how to tie a noose. I’m making meatloaf on a stick if you want to come over later and help me prosecute my entire wardrobe.

“Bricks could be used as breast implants. Lady Squaretits is really particular a…”

“For me, TV and broke go together. Not as in, The TV is broken, but more of noti…”

“A lot of prestigious men have passed through my office. That’s the benefit of h…”

“My 30th birthday will be arriving in a few months. It’s not arriving unexpected…”