My elementary school principal, Prince Apple, had no principles. I know, because he offered to give me candy once, in exchange for sexual services. As you can imagine I said, “No!” Come on, man, you know I only accept cash.

“Inside my skull is a turtle shell. Inside the turtle shell is a rabbit. And ins…”

“A blanket could be used like a friend, if you’re the sort of person who uses th…”

“A blanket could be used to cover up the bald spot all over my chest. That’s why…”

“A blanket could be used to alter the future. But so can setting your watch ahea…”