My ex girlfriend said she’d never cheat on me. Well, she did—with an accountant. Now I owe money to the IRS.

“If it looks like you have pink eye, I’ll take a look at it. Drop your pants and…”

“If my last name were Marriagenowsky, and I met another girl with that name, gue…”

“A brick could be used as a weight to keep the cardboard cutout of the Federal G…”

“I can’t go out tonight, because unfortunately I’m all tied up at the moment. I’…”