My favorite thing isn’t being the favorite to win—it’s being the underdog.

“Employment: I’ll trade my time and labor for your money. So time is not money, …”

“I told her “Have a good weekend.” Then I thought, “Idiot. It’s Sunday night.”

“I am submitting two pieces to be excluded in your show. Thank you for your inco…”

“I’m a logician. No matter how wrong I am, I can always convince myself I am rig…”