My fingernail itches. I need to scratch it with my skin.

“Come, midget, and use my pillow as a sleeping bag.”

“I got shingles from my ex girlfriend. But that’s to be expected, since she is a…”

“Handcuffs barely wrap around the girth of my penis. I should run for Congress.”

“I want to make pants out of tuna fish, to accompany my cottage cheese thighs.”