My fur coat doesn’t need to be dry cleaned, because it’s self-cleaning. It’s constantly licking its fur to keep itself clean. Beats walking through a car wash, like I used to do when I worked for Joe Namath.

“I am my own tornado. Instead of panicking, I run in circles and scream.”

“I’m like Casanova meets Henry Ford. My reproduction methods are more like produ…”

“I ran over some dog poop on my drive home last night. But I didn’t feel bad, be…”

“Life is short. But so are midgets.”