My love for you is shaped like a left foot. And if you pulled my love out of your ass you’d know that.

“I’m now solidly in my mid-thirties. I turned thirty, three days ago.”

“It’s not hush money. It’s simply dollars backed not by faith, but by shhh.”

“When I was in the second grade, I used to think love was the feeling a man gets…”

“I wanted to say Thank You in sign language, but instead I sneezed and ended up …”