My love is like an empty bottle of wine. If you’re wondering, my ex wife drank it all.

“Sounds have smells. Your father smells, and he’s noisy.”

“Come, midget, and use my pillow as a sleeping bag.”

“Not only do I not believe in not believing in God, I’m also a big supporter of …”

“My children don’t even know my name, and it’s no excuse that they haven’t even …”