My new employer made me get a drug test, so I ripped off my shirt, flexed my muscles, and said, “You suspect me of taking steroids, don’t you?

“I'd like to see a flag made not out of stars and stripes, but rather fingers an…”

“I’m a fancier. Not a pigeon fancier, but just fancier than you.”

“A brick makes an excellent window cleaner, if you throw it hard enough. Before …”

“I have thin lips, like two rose petals on top of each other, and I would say I …”