My OCD governs my actions like a governor, but I didn’t vote for it. No, I voted for Dora J. Arod.

“I want to be my own wedding singer at my own wedding. But first I’ll have to au…”

“Two days from now I invented a time travel machine out of my neighbor’s washing…”

“It’s still masturbation if your clone gives you a hand job. It’s also a lot lik…”

“I’ll make fun of him, but I’ll call him Him, because if I use his name I’ll imm…”