My resume speaks for itself, so to speak. I recorded it on a tape recorder.

“Don’t go on a ghost tour, because you won’t see a ghost. Well, you might. Maybe…”

“A brick could be used as a paperweight, for people whose writing isn’t as dense…”

“Being strong is not the same as being a strong being. I should know because cow…”

“I added five shots to my coffee, because that’s all the bullets my magazine can…”