My window of opportunity had blinds in it. Helen Keller and friends were standing there waving at me.

“The closest my penis has come to my sexy coworker’s vagina, is piss splatters o…”

“Lost dog. Looks like a chicken. If found, do not attempt to feed it scrambled e…”

“I once went toe to toe with an international thumb war champion.”

“My elementary school principal, Prince Apple, had no principles. I know, becaus…”