Of all the bars in the world, prison is the worst, followed closely by the ones that serve alcohol.

“If instead of saucers, UFOs looked more like breasts, I’ll bet there’d be a lot…”

“How to grow up slowly and secretly, not all at once like lunch in a condom, tha…”

“If I win in the nick of time, I’ll spread my congrats evenly to every Nick in t…”

“It’s a comforting thought knowing that no matter how old I get, I can always ge…”