On Telemarketer Phone Calls
“Hello?…Fuck you.

“The worst thing you can be is a liar. . . . Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing yo…”

“Sometimes life leaves a hundred-dollar Bill on your dresser, and you don’t real…”

“There seem to be a lot of gay people there...Oh please, as if that's what I mea…”

“On Furnishing One’s Home“Pick your furniture like you pick a wife; it should ma…”