One magnifying glass and one moonlit night is not enough to light her ant-like heart on fire. So I’ll just have to approach it the old-fashioned way—I’ll buy her love.

“My love is expansive. Your love is expensive.”

“The task may be simple for me, but if I make it look too easy, you won’t apprec…”

“I once tried out for the Girl Scouts. I only went to one meeting. I ate all the…”

“A brick could be used to bestow gratitude upon your favorite (or least favorite…”