One of the things you never want to be in this life is boring. But once, sad to say, I put my cat to sleep. Who knew you could euthanize any living creature by reading it a political speech?

“A brick could be used to divide two people, and then conquer both of them.
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“Due to state laws, the restaurant was nonsmoking, which as a nonsmoker pleases …”

“There’s a penis in my penne pasta. It’s my penis, but that doesn’t mean it belo…”

“My wallet was empty after the charity auction. Of course, my wallet was empty b…”