One of your siblings has got to be the dumbest. And if you’re an only child—you’re the dumb one.

“The hole in my heart matches the key I gave her, and I’d like it back, along wi…”

“I’m a competitor. I once placed fifth in a bottle of whiskey.”

“My forehead is starting to get wrinkled, but you’d hardly notice it because all…”

“Factor in the fact that factories should only hire people they make themselves,…”