People ask me all the time, “Jarod, how come you are so much more romantic than anybody else?” And I say, “Simple. I have brains, heart, courage, and most importantly, I have ruby red slippers.

“My sheep pants don’t make me one of them. However, 37 Brantleys made an appeal …”

“Your dog looks dirty. You could give it a bath, or I could piss on it for free.…”

“A brick could be used in place of a parachute, and a blanket could be used as a…”

“I saw him do a No More Potatoes Dance, after he saw me stuff the last of the ma…”