Pepperoni looks so much like nipples that I can’t eat pizza without getting horny.

“Growing up, Renaldo and his father had a great relationship. At least until his…”

“I once had a dream about a woman, and the next day she died. I stopped sleeping…”

“I had no direction until I merged into the left lane. Some people find God. I f…”

“Sitting on my ass all day long is fun and all, but I’d rather sit on your ass. …”