Pet my 3:33 pm like it’s a beard. Live it, but don’t lick it.

“Social progress: for the same price as last year, I get a slimmer candy bar, le…”

“A brick could be used to show how patient you are. Somewhere between one brick …”

“Flowers and fear are a lot alike. For one, flowers and fear have a distinct sme…”

“My asshole smells like chlorine, so I hope you brought some goggles.”