Put your middle finger and your thumb together. And make it snappy.


“Question for your life: Let’s say we’re on a date, and I’m being all seductive …”

“My high school principal, Mr. Heisenberg, was the uncertain principal.”

“I could either buy one missile, or 88,000 cups of coffee. Both would wake me up…”

“I don’t like to celebrate my birthday, because I don’t like taking credit for o…”