Reginald “If” Ifa IV died today. His last words were, “Death, the great What if.” I dreamt this, but that doesn’t make it any less what iffier.

“My new book is going well. It’s practically writing itself! Actually, what I me…”

“Would you mind washing my feet? I’m a centipede, so it may take you a century.”

“Love is like whoa! Actually, it's closer to woe.”

“A blanket could be used to help my career. Things have gone cold in this econom…”