Right now I have a milk mustache. I grew it on a cattle ranch, and then glued it to my face.

“If someone says you’re not right for them, they’re lying. What they’re really t…”

“A brick could be used as a substitute for the steak my mother-in-law just cooke…”

“In complete silence you can’t hear a thing. Just ask a deaf person—but ask them…”

“When I go house hunting, I use a rather large gun. You should see me fish for t…”