Right now I’m naked, like how my pizza comes out of the oven. I like my toppings like I like my women: topless. I love me some pepperoni.

“When I’m tired, I say, “I’m calling it a night.” Well, what else am I going to …”

“When I was a concierge, I didn’t want a guest’s gratitude. I wanted gratuity. A…”

“When I write my dreams down, I can relive my sleep when I am awake.”

“A brick could be used to send a message. The quickest way to send it would be t…”