She doesn’t return my phone calls. I’d like them back, unopened.

“The best way to hide a body is to convert it to saltwater and then dump it in t…”

“I may not be a horse whisperer, but I certainly can and do shout at unicorns.”

“I just quit the Please Police. No need to say Thank You or protest or start a r…”

“Love is like war, except without all the blood and death and stuff.”