She gave me the cold shoulder, so I heated it up in the microwave. Sometimes #love is leftovers.

“I can’t get car parts at Lowes, the home improvement store? If I lived in my ca…”

“(Picture of a pirate standing on a treasure chest) It's not about the chest, it…”

“She drew me as a chubby rectangle. But that’s cool, because Chubby Rectangle wa…”

“Nipples—men have them, but don’t need them. Men—women have them, but don’t need…”