She tried to steal the desert. She’s guilty. Look no farther than her camel toe.

“The early morning is too strong to drink straight, so I need to mix in a little…”

“People complain the president does nothing. I say stop complaining! Think how d…”

“I was hot so I gave myself a haircut. I then saw a bald man sweating, so I offe…”

“If I could die saving two lives, I would, provided each of those two people wer…”