She wanted to know if I loved her, so I texted her a picture of a dead bird.

“Language is the proper way to communicate, followed closely by five balled up f…”

“If somebody wanted me dead, I’d try to convince them to wait 25 years, for tech…”

“He’s got the world’s softest knuckles. They’re like rubber the way they bounce …”

“Politicians think the only way out of a hole is to keep digging.”