Should I masturbate before we meet up? I don’t want to be horny and thinking with my dick the whole time. I mean, it’s not like it’s a date. For Pete’s sake, it’s a job interview.

“I was sick, so I went to see a ducktor. He was a quack.”

“Dream dialogue: 
-Don’t cry. I, too, know what it’s like to be different.
-But …”

“Suicide pact: I’ll shoot you, and then you’ll shoot me.”

“I'm so excited. I just bought a new file cabinet, some manila folders, some sti…”