So you made a mistake. Don’t beat yourself up over it. Let me beat you up instead.

“To show you how much I love you, I’d take you to the moon and back. Or try to f…”

“When I’m not eating, sleeping, working, or doing a hundred other things, I’m ma…”

“I wouldn’t advise making a four-year commitment to eventually land an $8.00/hou…”

“A meow’s a sound I want to look at. And after I see it, I want to pet it.”