The best part about having children is being able to point at them and proudly proclaim, "Hey, I made those.

“A blanket could be used to tell people a thousand miles and a thousand years aw…”

“I have extremely great aim when it comes to peeing. I can, for instance, manage…”

“I want a piece of apple pie so large I could wedge a For Sale sign in it and ma…”

“A brick could be used to destroy your mannequin lover. It’s the only proper thi…”