The difference between noon and midnight is the same as the separation between sex and masturbation. Sexually, you can find me at 6:00 sharp. Bring a condom and a glove—and don’t be late.


“I wasn’t dead, I was asleep. There’s a difference, however slight. That subtle …”

“Bricks could be used to make a billion dollars. It’s easy! All you need to do i…”

“To wipe her off my mind, I wiped my ass. I felt so free after that I took a shi…”

“I asked her if she’d give me all her love, and she flatly said no. I got excite…”