The fog scattered the light and spread it thick like mayonnaise. It was late and I was sandwiched between 2011 and 2012, and all I needed was some tomato slices to fully enjoy it.

“How many ways can I say “I love you”? I could say it in another language, like …”

“You are dead. It just hasn’t occurred to you yet.”

“When a guy at the urinal says to me, "If you shake it more than twice, you're p…”

“I need your compliments to feed my ego, because it’s bored of mac and cheese. A…”