The girl I am in love with told me she’s moving on. Should I cry, or go to Jax beach and party? The ocean’s salty enough without my tears.

“When you buy a gun, every problem starts to look like a nail.”

“Sometimes I’ll forget a utensil’s name, and I’ll say, “Give me that pointy thin…”

“Divorce is the second worst event in a person’s life. The worst event, of cours…”

“I’m stronger than a pack of crackers and a pack of midgets, but not the PAC 12.…”