The girl who did my oil change was so sexy that after she was done, I drove nonstop 2500 miles one way, just so I could immediately turn around and drive back with a reason to see her again.

“With gift giving, if it’s the thought that counts, then a picture of a Mercedes…”

“There were two chairs, but there were three of us. So, being the gentleman I am…”

“I’ve got a sizeable retirement nest egg. It’s an ostrich egg, and it’s going to…”

“I eat spaghetti with my fingers, because it reminds me of me running my fingers…”