The hamper didn’t hamper my ability to hide midgets. If anything, it enhanced it.

“When a guy at the urinal says to me, "If you shake it more than twice, you're p…”

“The wisest thing my grandpa ever said to me before he died was "Stop!" Thinking…”

“I want a white car that turns red when I’m embarrassed.”

“I’m underwater on my mortgage. Thankfully, I live on a submarine.”