The institution asked me to speak and say a few words. So, knowing a few is three, I said, I love you.

“There’s only one way to respond to, “How do you like your dinosaur burger cooke…”

“Never spontaneously combust alone, or without a bag of marshmallows nearby.”

“I consider seeing my 30th birthday an accomplishment. You know, not many midget…”

“She wanted to know if I loved her, so I texted her a picture of a dead bird.”