The list of women he’s slept with is longer than his penis. The list is three inches long.

“Don’t step on my toes. Especially if I’m walking on my hands.”

“When two are united as one, I’ll be there. And so will someone else.”

“If I ever get a 20-dollar bill, I like to convert it into 20 singles, because w…”

“My job is so boring I’m thinking of boring a second hole into my penis.”