The only way I’ll ride a horse is if that horse is in a wheelchair, being pushed by a 99-year-old paraplegic.

“A brick could be used as a cock block. 
”

“When the going gets tough, the tough give thanks for their mountain bike. I’m s…”

“In my dream, the passenger seat of my car was a toilet. I guess I was on my way…”

“Thank goodness women aren’t as superficial as men. Where would a guy like me be…”