The piece of junk is a piece of me. It’s a part of my family, and I can’t part with it. The rusty can is all my father left me when he left us to be in a relationship with a goat. Ah, but that’s life, no?

“This is my logo for Kintz”

“We’re distant cousins. He’s my first cousin, but he’s 5,000 miles away. And he …”

“Every time the sound of one of my farts reverberates in a toilet bowl, I think …”

“A blanket could be shared with someone cold. And if you’re sharing your blanket…”