The wind held the door open for me, and I appreciated it. Who knew the breeze was such a southern gentleman?

“I’d punch a guy that likes a girl 16 years younger. Especially if that guy was …”

“The other day I woke up to find my girlfriend already gone from the house, and …”

“My banana is decomposing in my pocket. I was happy to see you, but now I’m brow…”

“I launder dirty money. You should see my washing machine. (It’s filthy!)”