There are only two ways to love—in spite of yourself, and in spite of the restraining order.

“I would hate to see seventeen people with monosyllabic names like Mike or Ann d…”

“We broke up because we weren’t going anywhere. I kept telling her, Hitchhiking …”

“As far as how my mom might view me, I can imagine her saying something like thi…”

“When I couldn’t grow a full beard I took it as a sign from God to grow a mustac…”