There is nothing more romantic than candles and flowers, except candles that smell like flowers and flowers that can be burned, as they flicker light while you dine alone and ponder how much of a romantic you are.

“I had no direction until I merged into the left lane. Some people find God. I f…”

“Walking is so monotonous. Left, right, left, right, it’s also all so political.”

“I feel like someone who has a parade named in their honor, and doesn’t get invi…”

“A date is a place, a destination. March 5th, 1982 is the ideal tourist trap.”