There were 17 people at the funeral. 16 of them were there for a family reunion—mine. Discount space, you see.

“In five years I want to go equally as far as I have come in the last five years…”

“Even though I know my own name (barely), I still sometimes write my name wrong.…”

“I’ll drink out of your bra, because I’m thirsty for your love.”

“If I told you I make love like a rainbow, would you be my leprechaun?”