There were only two of us left for dinner, and that’s when I realized what I was: leftovers.

“I got my nails done today. I’m so glad that after 30 years, they’re finally fin…”

“I want a trophy that has atrophy—where the maquette on top isn’t sculpted metal…”

“A blanket could be used to sell your winningest product to your loserest custom…”

“I’d rather jump in a tank with a tiger shark than make love to his right hand. …”